Husbands, listen up!
If you are the type of thrill-seeker who would derive satisfaction from dropping a lit match into a box of fireworks, here is the marital equivalent.
It involves just four words, though the timing is important – they need to be said quietly to your beloved about five minutes before you and your wife leave for an important social function.
Ready?
The four words are, “Are you wearing that?”
You have lit the blue touch paper now stand well back!
Yes, you meant well; no, you didn’t mean to offend; no, you didn’t mean to totally disregard the past hour or two that your wife has invested in selecting and rethinking her outfit, then getting it right.
My personal advice is affirm that you are only a man and plead temporary insanity.
What are you wearing?
Kindness is included in that wardrobe of Colossians 3:12 that we are to put on :
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col. 3:12
Finally, put on love ‘which binds them together in perfect unity’.
I can’t help but feel that the Father catches a glimpse of us and says: “I like your outfit.”
As a fruit of the Spirit, kindness is love in action. Our motivation is twofold –
God is kind to us, (Eph. 2:7) and
Kindness generates more kindness. (Matt.7:12)
What will it look like?
A believer displaying the fruit of kindness will…
- Be Sensitive
Kindness is about being aware of the needs of others, “looking not only to your own interests, but to the interests of others” Phil. 2:4
And sensitivity makes allowances because we cannot know what is happening for another at this moment in their life.
Kindness begins without assumptions, but with sensitivity.
- Be Supportive
Kindness is about building people up not tearing them down.
Kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit. Prov.15:4 GNB
The GNB translates Proverbs 10:32 as…
Righteous people know the kind thing to say, but the wicked are always saying things that hurt.
You’ll remember in the Old Testament and the account of Joseph, he had brothers who treated him like dirt, sold him into slavery, and everything went wrong for 30 years of his life. But later the tables were turned, and Joseph became second in command of all of Egypt. His brothers came to him on bended knee and at that time Joseph had a golden opportunity to retaliate and get even. But the Bible says that Joseph reassured them and spoke kindly to them, even after their father had died.
Kind words can be the beginning of rebuilding a bridge that is broken in a strained relationship.
- Be Sympathetic.
I am sure you have been, and will be in a situation where you want to show kindness to a person in crisis, and you don’t know what to say. I’ve been there. Sometimes it is not what we say, but just being with them lets them know you sympathize and feel with them and hurt with them.
Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad.
Rom. 12:15 NCV
Sometimes it is a touch on the shoulder, a gentle pat or a grasp of the hand.
The supreme example of kindness is Jesus himself; he was not afraid to show emotion, and he is described in Titus 3:4 as “the kindness and love of God, our Saviour”. We often read that he was moved by compassion – if you want to know what kindness is like, just look at Jesus.
- Be Straightforward
Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy. Prov. 27:6 TLB
Sometimes kindness means being candid, laying it on the line, telling it how it is.
It can be a test of true friendship, to say what needs to be said.
Kindness does not keep silent when a friend is endangering himself, risking ruining his life.
When is it right to confront?
We need to do a check… Am I really committed to this person’s best interest? Am I making a “hit and run” comment, or do I plan to stick around to help my friend work on the change?
- Be Spontaneous
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Gal. 6:10
You can plan an act of kindness, and sometimes it just presents itself.
“As we have opportunity” – be spontaneous whenever we have the opportunity.
…I ought to write a thank you note, send a card, make a call, send a gift, walk across the room…
But then we delay and keep delaying until it is embarrassingly late and we end up not doing anything.
I truly believe the opportunity comes from the Spirit and the prompting comes from the Spirit.
I don’t have to tell you that there are people who are hurting around us – hurting in their marriages, hurting at work, hurting physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
It is an interesting fact of history that the Romans confused the Greek word Christos (Christ) with chrestos, which means “kind”.
Maybe we can confuse some people this week by allowing our Christos to be chrestos.