Self-control is not a psychological word, it is a Biblical word. It is a fruit of the Spirit. It identifies that each of us is a complex of desires and appetites. The problem is simply that these desires and appetites are designed to be our servants, but they aspire to be our masters.
Sin is never satisfied to be a servant; sin always has ambitions to be the master…
…everyone who lives in sin is a slave to sin. John 8:34
Let’s get practical! Here are six steps revealed in God’s Word that are prompts and promises to help us exercise self-control, to nurture this fruit.
Be honest with yourself.
“I don’t have a problem.. What problem?… It’s just the way I am… Everybody else does it… It is the way I was brought up…”
I recall the training for Kairos, prior to presenting a talk to the prison inmates – don’t tell stories about yourself that promote you as invincible, but rather as one who has flaws and has experienced God’s mercy and grace.
We sin because it is attractive at the time; it is the course of least resistance.
I like how Peterson paraphrases Paul’s confession in Romans 7:17-20 …For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
(by the way I wonder, if you or I had been in Paul’s shoes would we have written so honestly about our struggles?)
“I have a problem and I need help” says Paul. (And I find help in Christ Jesus!)
Put your past behind you.
Don’t equate having failed with being labelled a failure. Babies don’t even do that. A baby learns to walk by persistence, by trying and trying again even though he has fallen down 10 times. If you hadn’t kept trying as a baby and eventually got your legs going, we would be running you around on a rickshaw.
“I tried walking a few times when I was young, but it didn’t work so I stopped bothering…”. It doesn’t happen.
As Thomas Edison said as he worked his way through attempts at inventing a new device: “Don’t call it a failure, call it education. Now you know what doesn’t work!” Or in Paul’s words:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal… Phil. 3:13-14
In the exercise of self-control, don’t let failure in the past determine your future. As a child of God you are a new creation, being renewed every day!
Talk Back.
11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age… Titus 2:11-12
If we are exploring self-control we need to admit that there are persuasive ‘voices’ in our mind:
“I really feel like…”
“I really don’t feel like…”
Feelings are highly unreliable, and apt to manipulate.
The verse in Titus prompts us to talk back, if our objective is to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives.
“I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.”
Paul discerns an inner conversation going on inside, and the most vulnerable stance is to be a passive observer. When that inner conversation is on, when that pull is evident, when the feelings, or the mood, or the voice is whispering – “go on, just once…”, talk back!
The grace of God teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions.
God gives you the ability to say no to that desire and to choose to do what is right.
Believe that there is a way – that God can clear a way.
What is recurring in these verses from 1 Peter?
1:13 …prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled
4:7 …be clear minded and self-controlled
5:8 …be self-controlled and alert
What we feed into our minds will aid or will hinder our self-control. It is said that the person who says ‘I can do it’ and the person who says ‘I can’t do it’ are both right. A bit simplistic but you get the point – self-fulfilling talk.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by…
the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2
The passage in Romans doesn’t say to be renewed by willpower, but to be transformed by the renewing of the mind. When your self-control is being tested, you need to fill your mind with the promises of God.
Paul declared, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Ph. 4:13)
God has not only promised a way out from the temptation, but also He will strengthen you.
Make yourself accountable.
Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. Ecc. 4:12 (GNB)
This step can take different forms…
For some of us it means finding a friend whom we can trust, sharing that we have a problem that we have confessed and for which we have received forgiveness, and asking for regular help and encouragement, perhaps by phone, or by getting together regular.
One on one accountability. Another form is to be a part of a small group, where in a safe place, you can share, you can pray and be prayed for, you can be as honest as Paul is in his letter to the Romans.
And even regular attendance at church services, being part of community that can lead to conversations, friendships, and mutual support, can be part of nurturing the fruit of self-control, because it avoids the ‘lone ranger’ mentality. We are part of a family of God and we care for one another.
Share each other’s troubles and burdens, and so obey our Lord’s commands. Gal. 6:2 (TLB)
Avoid temptation.
“If you don’t want to get stung, stay away from the bees.”
Avoid the things that tempt you. As young people we were strongly encouraged to stay with the group.
As youth leaders we maintained the message: temptation is stronger when two young people are alone.
If a friend shared that they were trying to get alcohol out of their life because it was taking over, what would you advise they get rid of from their house?
If a friend shared they had a problem with computer pornography, what steps would you urge them to take when on the computer?
If a friend shared that whenever they were in the presence of a person who brought the worst out, what would you suggest?
Avoid the things that tempt you.
One man had a problem quitting smoking, and apparently couldn’t bring himself to rid himself of cigarettes. Instead he did something practical, he wet his matches. In the time it took him to try to light a cigarette he was back in control!
Many of the guys I met in prison were there because they ran with the wrong crowd, and didn’t know how to walk away…
“bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Cor. 15:33
And in all of this remember to…
Depend on Christ’s power.
Let the Spirit direct your lives, and you will not satisfy the desires of the human nature. Gal. 5:16 (GNB)
It doesn’t say the desires will disappear; rather God will strengthen you to resist going the wrong direction.
God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him. Phil. 2:13 (NCV)
Pastor Peter Thomas